Something's Bugging Me

Warning, very mild horror story ahead!

I woke up with a start at around 1:15 this morning when a bug fell into my ear. I tried to shake it away and push it off but it obviously felt the safest place to be was further in my ear canal. I jumped out of bed, turned on the bathroom light and continued shaking my head and poking at my ear to try to encourage the bug that my ear wasn’t a good place for him/her/it.

It paid no heed.

I then asked my wife to assist - to see if she could see the creature and remove it.

To no avail.

By this stage the bug was digging at my ear drum. I didn’t think that would be a good thing - particularly as I suspected the bug was a small black beetle and therefore probably capable of breaching the drum! I had to take immediate and punitive action to cease its progress into my head!

I then asked my wife to get the fly spray. Drum roll. Not sure that was the best idea, but necessity is the mother, father and immediate family of invention.

Three squirts of the flyspray proved sufficient to cease the bugs advances. That then left me with a different problem. How do I get this now-dead beetle out of my ear?

We tried flushing it using a spray bottle.

Again to no avail.

It was now around 1:30am and I figured a trip to the A&E department of our local hospital was in order.

I dressed, grabbed a book and my reading glasses and my medical id card and proceeded to hospital.

Thankfully it was quiet - no one else waiting. The lady on reception had to ask me twice why I was standing at the counter.

The triage nurse declared he could see a bug in my ear canal. I was then promoted to the doctor.

He, too, could see a beetle in my ear canal and proceeded to try flushing with large syringes many times.

To no avail.

He then got some pointy scrapper type object (note my complete lack of medical training or knowledge) and tried to pry it loose from my ear.

To no avail.

Another few rounds of irrigation also proved no match for the dead beetle in my ear.

The doctor suggested I wait until it dries up (!) and then ear wax and time may take their course. If I didn’t want to rely on that then I would need to make an appointment with my GP (which I don’t have) and then be referred to the ENT specialist who could then proceed to suction the little beast out of its sarcophagus.

That particular joy awaits.

I hope the future happy outcome to this unfortunate event isn’t worthy of a blog post.